‘Fellow traveler’ advocates return to civility

Hey, be nice. That’s one way to summarize the advice that Stephen Pearson gives as he works to promote civility in campus work habits.

But there’s a deeper interpretation as well, one that suggests that a commitment to civility could be an essential component in improving campus climate.

“I am concerned about campus climate, but hadn’t really taken a look at this issue of civility,” says Pearson. “I did some research and discovered that it is not just being polite or courteous. There is much more to it than that.”

Promoting civility — replacing the crude, rude or obnoxious with personal acts of reason, kindness and generosity — has become something of a mission for Pearson. As director of the Employee Assistance Office, he hears plenty about uncivil behavior in departments around campus.

The subject of civility has struck a chord with many other people on campus. Pearson recently did a brown bag talk on the subject for the Madison Academic Staff Association, and he has been asked to present on civility this spring at the Office Professionals Conference sponsored by the Office of Human Resources. In the fall, he’ll do the same for members of the Academic Staff Assembly.

In his presentations, Pearson says one major problem is people’s apparent lack of willingness to listen to one another.

“Being civil does not mean that disagreements cannot occur, but it does require people to listen with the knowledge that they are not automatically right and the other is wrong,” Pearson explains. “This is something that is hard for many people to do. Civility also requires us to express ourselves in a way that demonstrates respect for others.”

Pearson spoke about the concept of civility based on the work of Yale University law professor Stephen Carter, who related civility to the concept of being a “fellow traveler.”

Carter explains how mid-1800s rail travel etiquette provided a model for civil behavior. People who traveled long distances together on railway cars realized that to enjoy the ride, they would have to be mindful of how their behavior affected others and voluntarily restrict themselves in ways that they might not have done if others were not around.

“Carter made the point that nowadays, people no longer use the train much to travel, but rather the automobile — and then usually alone. Riding alone in a car can give us the illusion that we are traveling alone,” Pearson says. “If I am traveling alone, I don’t see you as a fellow traveler, and I don’t see you as someone I have to care about.”

As fellow travelers in this world, Pearson says, we need to be able and willing to make sacrifices not only because it makes things easier — but also because it is a sign of respect to those around us.

As one might suspect, respectful listening and kindness to strangers is not enough. Carter says:

• Our duty to be civil toward others does not depend on whether we like them or not.
• Civility has two parts: generosity (even when costly) and trust (even when risky).
• Civility is not just about doing no harm; it requires us to do good.

Likewise, accepting and respecting the boundaries of others is another key to practicing civility, Pearson says.

“The inability to set boundaries at appropriate times with appropriate people can be very destructive or uncivil. There are some people who don’t recognize the word “no,'” says Pearson.

Pearson offers some simple suggestions for practicing civility. Among them:

• Smile more and complain less.
• Every day, look for an opportunity to make a small difference for good.
• Write a supportive note to someone.
• Volunteer to help someone an hour a week.
• Read an inspirational book and pass it along to someone.

“The bottom line is when we become concerned about the welfare of other travelers, then we will all enjoy the journey a lot more,” Pearson says. “When we lose sight of the common humanity that unites us, it becomes easier to discount people.”

Civility throughout history
Here are some of George Washington’s “Rules of Civility and Decent Behavior.”

• Every action done in company ought to be with some sign of respect to those that are present.
• Shake not the head, feet, or legs; roll not the eyes nor lift one eyebrow higher than the other; wry not the mouth; and bedew no man’s face with your spittle by approaching too near him when you speak.
• Turn not your back to others, especially in speaking; jog not the table or desk on which another reads or writes; lean not upon anyone.
• Wherein you reprove another, be unblameable yourself, for example is more prevalent than precepts.
• Use no reproachful language against anyone, neither curse nor revile.
• Let your conversation be without malice or envy, for “tis a sign of a tractable and commendable nature.
• Speak not evil of the absent for it is unjust.